Living with Chronic Pain

I have chronic pain! A simple statement, something that is very easy to say, yet it is incredibly difficult to live with.

Chronic pain comes in many guises, mine is mainly fibromyalgia. I am constantly in pain, 24/7.

Like many people with chronic pain I have tried many different solutions. From over the counter painkillers, to really strong opioids (prescription) as well as some other seriously nasty prescription drugs. I have tried holistic approaches and acupuncture as well as massage. I have also drank far more than my far share to forget the pain and other things too.
At one point I was taking over 30 tablets a day, I was a walking pharmacist!

Diagnosed in 2008, it has been a long journey to where I am today and I know it is one I will be on for life.

Some people see pain as weakness in the body, some people are lucky enough to not have to worry about pain. Whilst others are crippled by it on a daily basis.
I have seen many of my family and friends struggle and go on the pain relief journey, it is incredibly hard to witness, seeing a once bright and happy person be dragged down into the depths of despair. That may sound very dramatic, but depression is a very well known buddy to pain.

My daily life is difficult, I also am aware it can be so much worse. These last few weeks I have experienced some of the worst pain for a while. I just wanted to scream and cry and lord knows what else.
What did I do instead, plastered a sort of smile on my face, popped a couple of paracetamol and used a freeze gel. A far cry from the trippy days of tramadol or being so spaced out I couldn't even tell you my name.
I feel sorry for Mr.Wright, the main person who sees me go through all of this. He is a strong and wonderful man. As not only does he see me in so much pain, although I try not to show it, I am a stubborn mare. He also has to put up with my excessive mood swings and moaning about allsorts, his poor ears. One minute I am laughing, to the next minute I am so frustrated at not knowing what loaf of bread to buy in Asda, so much so that I throw a hissy fit. It's not intentional in the slightest.

Pain makes you do and feel weird things. So many times I have felt despondent, fed up, depressed (badly), guilty, angry, frustrated, high (thanks to the likes of tramadol), sick, feeling like life is slipping me by and so much more.

Whilst I know this post seems negative it isn't, because despite all of the crappy stuff life has thrown my way, it has made me me! I am a strong lady. Yes I have a lot of down moments, who doesn't especially with constant pain, but I am here, I have a wonderful husband and have found a crafting passion I never know in life. I have had experiences that I would never had without this hideous condition in my life. I have learnt to find the positives in the negatives, which is not always easy.

So when things get tough, just know you are not alone. Talk to someone you trust and know that you are an incredibly strong person no matter what!!

Time flies when...

So 3 years ago was my last blog post, naughty, naughty!

What a busy 2 years it has been, getting married, moving house and many other of life's little journeys. It has been an interesting ride.

So where am I now 3 years from my last post...

I am a married lady and officially Mrs (Always) Wright, yes I know I found Mr. Wright and married him. Would you believe he used the Mr. Wright line on our second date. It must of worked.

Our wedding was amazing, I was really excited to become a bride and a wife. A few things did spoil the day, namely people in our lives, most trouble makers seemed to be on my side, I wonder if that says something about me!
It rained, however I loved that, supposedly a good omen. Plus my husband and I danced on the balcony by ourselves in the eve, just after it rained. I will always remember that special moment. Dancing in the puddles, slightly ruining my dress but not caring. Laughing with him whilst listening to the incredible band, that we won in a competition, perform.

One major thing troubled me was my weight. I had put on so much and at my heaviest I was 16st 9lbs (which I reached Christmas last year), but at 5ft 10" was a size 16. I knew that something was causing it, and I don't just mean stuffing my face with pizza. There was something more to it.
I just wish I had of been a little slimmer on our wedding day, but such is life.

Turns out being on Pregabalin, a medication for my Fibromyalgia was one of the causes. My personal experience of the drug is not a favourable one, I hated it, it made me so ill. I made the decision to come off it, however I couldn't do this until after our wedding in case of any withdrawal symptoms.
I also have recently been diagnosed with Bile Acid Malabsorption. Not a pretty illness/disability to have. However due to the fact my body wasn't processing fat and bile like a normal person it meant I was putting more weight on.
I also had a health scare to do with my brain, something the guys at Specsavers noticed. I had to sit in the eye hospital on 2 different occasions, for pretty much all day. Only for them to find nothing of significance, except a build up of calcium, something I would have had since birth, which is strange that they only just found it.

We decided to move out of Bristol last year. Our lovely, yet very hot and stuffy, flat had become somewhere we wanted to escape and not least because the Co-Operative below us has had 2 ram raids and some idiots blow up the cash point to nick the money! I know, never a dull moment.
We moved to the outskirts of Weston Super Mare. Our lovely 2 bed house, with a decent garden and garage is actually less in rent than the flat we left. It is so nice to have the space and freedom of a garden, despite the dogs next door constantly barking.

I am sadly still not working, I would dearly love to. However I know I will struggle a lot. From one day to the next, not knowing if I will actually be able to walk to the toilet or if I could get through a whole day no problem, yet knowing the next few days I would be in bed. Throw on top of that my BAM which is getting worse, lets just say I am thankful for the fact we have 3 toilets in our house, they get a lot of love.

As I sit typing this I am now at 14st, which I know is still big, however I am doing my best to shift it, so I am grateful to that. I am still crafting like mad, and have taken up many more different crafts, much to Mr. Wright's annoyance of there being so much craft 'crap' everywhere, yet it keeps me slightly saner.
I am hoping it doesn't take me another 3 years to write a post, I will do my best to write and let who ever is interested in my world.