Living with Chronic Pain

I have chronic pain! A simple statement, something that is very easy to say, yet it is incredibly difficult to live with.

Chronic pain comes in many guises, mine is mainly fibromyalgia. I am constantly in pain, 24/7.

Like many people with chronic pain I have tried many different solutions. From over the counter painkillers, to really strong opioids (prescription) as well as some other seriously nasty prescription drugs. I have tried holistic approaches and acupuncture as well as massage. I have also drank far more than my far share to forget the pain and other things too.
At one point I was taking over 30 tablets a day, I was a walking pharmacist!

Diagnosed in 2008, it has been a long journey to where I am today and I know it is one I will be on for life.

Some people see pain as weakness in the body, some people are lucky enough to not have to worry about pain. Whilst others are crippled by it on a daily basis.
I have seen many of my family and friends struggle and go on the pain relief journey, it is incredibly hard to witness, seeing a once bright and happy person be dragged down into the depths of despair. That may sound very dramatic, but depression is a very well known buddy to pain.

My daily life is difficult, I also am aware it can be so much worse. These last few weeks I have experienced some of the worst pain for a while. I just wanted to scream and cry and lord knows what else.
What did I do instead, plastered a sort of smile on my face, popped a couple of paracetamol and used a freeze gel. A far cry from the trippy days of tramadol or being so spaced out I couldn't even tell you my name.
I feel sorry for Mr.Wright, the main person who sees me go through all of this. He is a strong and wonderful man. As not only does he see me in so much pain, although I try not to show it, I am a stubborn mare. He also has to put up with my excessive mood swings and moaning about allsorts, his poor ears. One minute I am laughing, to the next minute I am so frustrated at not knowing what loaf of bread to buy in Asda, so much so that I throw a hissy fit. It's not intentional in the slightest.

Pain makes you do and feel weird things. So many times I have felt despondent, fed up, depressed (badly), guilty, angry, frustrated, high (thanks to the likes of tramadol), sick, feeling like life is slipping me by and so much more.

Whilst I know this post seems negative it isn't, because despite all of the crappy stuff life has thrown my way, it has made me me! I am a strong lady. Yes I have a lot of down moments, who doesn't especially with constant pain, but I am here, I have a wonderful husband and have found a crafting passion I never know in life. I have had experiences that I would never had without this hideous condition in my life. I have learnt to find the positives in the negatives, which is not always easy.

So when things get tough, just know you are not alone. Talk to someone you trust and know that you are an incredibly strong person no matter what!!

Time flies when...

So 3 years ago was my last blog post, naughty, naughty!

What a busy 2 years it has been, getting married, moving house and many other of life's little journeys. It has been an interesting ride.

So where am I now 3 years from my last post...

I am a married lady and officially Mrs (Always) Wright, yes I know I found Mr. Wright and married him. Would you believe he used the Mr. Wright line on our second date. It must of worked.

Our wedding was amazing, I was really excited to become a bride and a wife. A few things did spoil the day, namely people in our lives, most trouble makers seemed to be on my side, I wonder if that says something about me!
It rained, however I loved that, supposedly a good omen. Plus my husband and I danced on the balcony by ourselves in the eve, just after it rained. I will always remember that special moment. Dancing in the puddles, slightly ruining my dress but not caring. Laughing with him whilst listening to the incredible band, that we won in a competition, perform.

One major thing troubled me was my weight. I had put on so much and at my heaviest I was 16st 9lbs (which I reached Christmas last year), but at 5ft 10" was a size 16. I knew that something was causing it, and I don't just mean stuffing my face with pizza. There was something more to it.
I just wish I had of been a little slimmer on our wedding day, but such is life.

Turns out being on Pregabalin, a medication for my Fibromyalgia was one of the causes. My personal experience of the drug is not a favourable one, I hated it, it made me so ill. I made the decision to come off it, however I couldn't do this until after our wedding in case of any withdrawal symptoms.
I also have recently been diagnosed with Bile Acid Malabsorption. Not a pretty illness/disability to have. However due to the fact my body wasn't processing fat and bile like a normal person it meant I was putting more weight on.
I also had a health scare to do with my brain, something the guys at Specsavers noticed. I had to sit in the eye hospital on 2 different occasions, for pretty much all day. Only for them to find nothing of significance, except a build up of calcium, something I would have had since birth, which is strange that they only just found it.

We decided to move out of Bristol last year. Our lovely, yet very hot and stuffy, flat had become somewhere we wanted to escape and not least because the Co-Operative below us has had 2 ram raids and some idiots blow up the cash point to nick the money! I know, never a dull moment.
We moved to the outskirts of Weston Super Mare. Our lovely 2 bed house, with a decent garden and garage is actually less in rent than the flat we left. It is so nice to have the space and freedom of a garden, despite the dogs next door constantly barking.

I am sadly still not working, I would dearly love to. However I know I will struggle a lot. From one day to the next, not knowing if I will actually be able to walk to the toilet or if I could get through a whole day no problem, yet knowing the next few days I would be in bed. Throw on top of that my BAM which is getting worse, lets just say I am thankful for the fact we have 3 toilets in our house, they get a lot of love.

As I sit typing this I am now at 14st, which I know is still big, however I am doing my best to shift it, so I am grateful to that. I am still crafting like mad, and have taken up many more different crafts, much to Mr. Wright's annoyance of there being so much craft 'crap' everywhere, yet it keeps me slightly saner.
I am hoping it doesn't take me another 3 years to write a post, I will do my best to write and let who ever is interested in my world.

Busy, busy!!

Its been a while since I have written a post. I've been quite busy with making more pieces of work to add to the collection, which now includes hair grips and soon some earrings. Also my health has been a bit all over the place. I recently stopped taking my Tramadol (not cold turkey) and had a stomach bug, I am wondering if it was due to my body being without the hideous painkillers. I have found I have a bit more energy recently, although crash even quicker, so it has been interesting.

Having said that my pieces of work for Sparkle Forever have taken a different turn and I even now have business cards (exciting for me).


Mini pegs, which I will be using for my wedding, as well as selling others on the website:

Also some hair grips which I have been busy creating:

If you like these items, please say and if you are interested in owning some, get in touch!!

Much Love xx

Sparkle Forever website

Well I have been busy busy with the Sparkle Forever brand. Making an online presence and some business cards to tide me over. Of course none of it would be possible if it weren't for Chris my fiance. I am also looking at creating some hair accessories and earrings also. I do have to keep reminding myself to take it easy as the simplest of tasks tire me out, however I am hoping it will be worth it. I was considering doing the business course that is available in Bristol, however due to the fact I am struggling quite a bit and they require weekly attendance it maybe a struggle, I think I will have to work up to it.

I am so excited to be able to present my new website and hopefully you will love it too....

www.http://sparkleforever.moonfruit.com/

Life ongoing

I am finding writing this blog a challenge in terms of what is going on in life, as well not much is going on other then the fibro taking over my life. However I try not to let it get to me, easier said then done. Currently the heat is making it even more unbearable and as a result, sadly had to cancel any further happiness project courses.

Not one to be let down by this too much, I am trying to crack on with several art projects and ideas, as well as very slowly writing a book (well I have several ideas, so we shall see what comes out in the end). Also with trying to keep costs down a bit for our wedding, I have a few diy ideas up my white lace covered sleeves.

Once I get any further with it all, I shall certainly be updating this blog. Meanwhile, please get in touch if you are liking my products or just have a comment you want to share.

Looking for kindness in everything...

Last week I managed to get to another Happiness Project course, this time it was Nurture and Kindness. Not just to yourself but to your fellow man too. We all sat round and discussed firstly what happiness means to us. Then what Nurture and Kindness means to us by working in groups and writing on a large piece of paper our beliefs. For example things that cropped up were writing poetry or visiting an elderly person. Quite a varied subject really and certainly made you think. We were also given a card on which we were to write 3 things, that we could do in either one day or a period of several days that related to nurture and kindness. Again there was a lot more discussed, including an aspect of psychology.
Afterward the seated part, we were then asked to take some coloured thread and we spent quite sometime filling the room by connecting and intertwining the thread. This was to show that for every action we do, there are always at least 3 people we can affect with that decision etc.

A week later, I am due to go to another session tomorrow. However this week has been very up and down with the fibro, in fact today is a pretty rubbish day with tiredness (I am surprised I am writing this), as well as everything else. So we shall have to see how everything goes. As well as a happiness course, I have found out that there is a meeting for people with Fibromyalgia very near me. So as bad as I may feel now and possibly tomorrow, it would be rude to not go to the fibro meeting, as everyone there is going to be in the same boat, so they won't think I am rude if I am struggling. Which is something I can experience, when I am not with it, or I struggling to speak or function in anyway. I am aware that because I have all my arms and legs and can just about walk, that people don't think there is anything wrong with me. Yet invisible disabilities are very real and very difficult to deal with. 

Anyway away from the difficulties I can face, I always try to stay positive and have a smile on my face. So in the spirit of the start of this particular post, my 3 things I have or intend to do as an act of nurturing and kindness are:

1. Give my orthodontist a box of chocolates for all the work and care they have given me over the last 2 years. 
2. Do something special for my fiance for all the love and kindness he always shows me, so something as simple as make him a meal etc
3. Be kinder to myself and not put myself down so much, in regards of my looks and my disability.

Pain - don't let it get you down!

Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain,pain, pain. That is all I feel on a daily basis. It wouldn't be so bad if the super strong painkillers I am given actually worked. Still you have to stay strong and have a smile on your face and not let it all beat you. Easier said then done hey, however it is possible. Sure I have days when I want to scream because the pain is so bad and feel very frustrated with it all. Although I have managed to adopt a more positive lifestyle. With chronic pain you learn to adapt to what life throws at you. I always try and take the good from the bad and remain positive. 

I am always trying to improve myself as a human being and have a need for distractions. Easier said then done at times. So I read a lot, I am currently about to read about mindfulness, which is supposed to help the mind and body. Trying to go to several courses (anything has to be free, due to extreme lack of money), like the happiness course. A business course and in the late autumn I have a self help pain management course (this is supposed to help have a better quality of life). Continuing with my art work and creating some lovely pieces. These are just a few things that I like to do. Although most of the time I do tend to sleep, well over 12 hours a day, most times much more then that, or watching cheesey tv such as, Real Housewives, Millionaire Matchmaker and This Morning as many other programes I can just stare at when my mind and body refuse to work.

I know that this blog probably seems a bit higgeldy piggeldy, however for me it is a much needed outlet for things that are happening in my life. I will always try and remain positive as I have mentioned above, however due to the nature of this condition and it affecting my thinking at times, sometimes I can be quite passionate and irritated (like most people) about things. I won't name names or anything, like I said this is just an outlet.

Having said all that, I want to post another example of the art work that I create from time to time;